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by Sharon Ashe

It will be your first dance as husband and wife, and you will be stepping into the spotlight surrounded by your family and friends. Make this moment an expression of yourselves and your love. Take some time to choose a special song and decide how you want to involve your bridal party. If your idea of dancing is the old “stand and sway” from junior high school days, maybe now is the time to work on your dancing skills. Here are some suggestions that will help you make this moment fun and special.

If you have not yet chosen a song, you may want to consider what type of dance you would like to do and work backwards from there. Would you want the classic romance of a waltz? Or would you prefer a relaxed and jazzy foxtrot? Maybe the exuberant energy of a swing dance or the intensity of an Argentine Tango is more your style. If you enjoy latin rhythms you may like a slow rhumba, or a more lively salsa. A simple slow dance is always an option. Please keep in mind that some dance styles are easier to learn than others, so time may be a factor in your decision.

Will the band be playing your song or will you be dancing to a recording? This decision will also affect what song you choose. Standards such as “Our Love is Here to Stay”, “It Had to be You”, and “Time after Time” are songs that every jazz band should be able to play for you if you let them know in advance. Just mentioning the title of the song is not enough, however, be sure to tell your bandleader what tempo you would like them to play and for how long. If you have been practicing to a certain recording of your song, be sure to make a copy for your bandleader so that he/she understands exactly what type of arrangement and feeling you are expecting.

Should you take dance lessons to prepare for your first dance together? Don’t take lessons because you feel that some sort of performance is expected out of you. Remember that this is your day and should reflect something about you. However, if dancing together is something that you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time or the nerve, now is a great opportunity. Remember that this will be something that the two of you can share forever. There will always be plenty of opportunities to enjoy your dancing skills- at a friend’s wedding, a fancy function, even a nightclub.

Where should you take lessons? You should be able to find teachers who have experience with wedding couples at your local ballroom dance studio. When you call, ask if that studio has any special wedding packages available. You will probably need to decide if you want to participate in a group class or take private lessons. Group classes are certainly more affordable, but a private lesson will focus only on what you want to learn and go at whatever pace is best for you. There are many types of partner dancing, so make sure that your instructor specializes in working with wedding couples or the dance style that you have chosen. Depending on your location, it is often better to go to the clubs if you are interested in a nightclub dance such as swing, salsa, or Argentine Tango. Many clubs offer lessons before the band plays or the dancing begins. Once you have found a teacher that you feel comfortable working with, be sure to bring him/her a recording of your song if you have already chosen it, so that you will be sure to learn a dance style which is compatible with the music. if you have trouble finding a teacher that you like, or if time and money are considerations, you may want to try learning to dance from a video. The advantage is that you can learn at any time, and in the privacy of your home for less than the price of one private lesson. If either of you feel nervous about dancing, this may be the way to go. There are several videos that cater specifically to wedding couples and their special needs. No matter how you decide to tackle the learning process, remember to be supportive and have patience with each other’s difficulties. The reward will be well worth the effort.

Fast Forward to your wedding day. How will your first dance begin and end? Your band leader or DJ can call you out to the dance floor and announce your first dance. Traditionally the father of the bride will eventually cut in and dance with his daughter (this may be done to a new song or during the original song), at which point the groom may ask the bride’s mother to dance. Then the groom’s father may dance with the bride, at which time the bride’s father may cut in on his wife and the groom. The groom may then ask his mother to dance. Additionally the groom may dance with the maid of honor and the bride with the best man, while the in laws dance with each other. Finally the entire wedding party, and then the guests may join in the dancing. As the wedding couple you must decide before the ceremony which traditional order you would like to follow, if any. It is important to notify the individuals that you want to participate, and instruct them as to when you would like them to come in and who you would like them to dance with. Depending on how many people will eventually be dancing, you may have to select a separate song from your special first dance song.

Your First Dance should be one of the many beautiful memories of your wedding day. By preparing in advance you will be able to relax and have fun with each other, enjoying the moment. Don’t think of this as a performance but as a ritual, part of the vows and promises that you will exchange on this special day.